The Josh Weller Paradox—By PJ
High Contrast Bono, drawing by Kelly Eddington, 2004
The Josh Weller Paradox
PJ DeGenaro
“No 18-year-old girl in 2008 was listening to U2.”
This is the thesis statement of a four-minute documentary (of sorts) that went semi-viral on Twitter on December 21.
Over the course of two short videos, Josh Weller, a self-described “comedian” and “retired punk,” takes us on a revelatory journey called The Deep Dive: Episode One, The ‘Taken’ U2 Parodox.
Mr. Weller is a cherubic Englishman with a mop of black curls, a look of permanent bewilderment, and an inexplicable blue check beside his Twitter handle. He is an artiste in the throes of obsession, driven to madness by a single plot point of a single film, Taken (2008), starring Liam Neeson.
We see Weller wandering alone on London’s South Bank, wearing a Lloyd Dobler overcoat and a New York Knicks t-shirt. How, he wonders, is it possible that the 18-year-old daughter of the main character in Taken disappeared whilst following U2 on their European tour?
“No 18-year-old girl in 2008 was listening to U2,” Weller declares. “Especially an L.A. rich girl.” He suggests several other bands that might have been more realistic quarry for the youngster, given the year and her age. First on his list is Coldplay.
Dude. Dude.
Anyway, with the dull inexorableness of everyone who’s ever been a legend in their own mind, Weller dribbles out the word “relevant.” As in, “The last time U2 were relevant, my great-grandmother was getting her 1926 roadster serviced by the Wright Brothers.”
(A digression about the word “relevant”: I know U2 have used it themselves, but they shouldn’t have. Because by itself, the word “relevant” is meaningless. You can’t just declare something “not relevant.” You can say, “This thing is not relevant to me.” But you cannot decide whether that thing is relevant to me, or to anyone or anything else for that matter.)
At this point, we are treated to a bit of true-crime-show piano music, suggesting Weller’s spiral into ever-deeper obsession as he struggles to learn who decided an 18-year-old girl in a 13-year-old movie could possibly be a serious U2 fan.
“It began to consume me,” Weller says. To demonstrate, he pretends to be talking to his Mom on his cell phone. “Bye Mom,” he quavers. “I love you too.”
I know, Jim. I know.
So after hanging up on his mom, Weller calls someone pretending to be a receptionist at a production company. “I just don’t think a girl that age would like U2,” he murmurs. There is a click, and a dial tone.
Okay, that’s enough. You can watch the videos yourself if you haven’t already. Crucial comedic moments:
An “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” joke
A reference to the members of U2 as “Bono, Edge and the Other Two.”
A comedian and retired punk, my friends.
None of this is especially funny. In fact, it seems to me that the golden age of U2-based humor (by non-fans) ended about six months after the Songs of Innocence iPhone massacre. And yet—as sure as winter follows fall, as sure as Delta gives way to Omicron—some random doofus gets 3.7K attention points by alluding to U2 in what basically amounts to a hipster dick pic.
If the “Taken” girl (a fictitious character) was 18 in, let’s say 2005 for the Vertigo tour, she is now 34. I’m pretty sure I know some people in their thirties who are into U2. Because U2 are an astronomically popular band with a well-documented multigenerational following. And yes, many people even follow them on tour.
I was planning to say something uplifting here. I was planning to say that I hope Mr. Weller has something in his life that makes him feel the way U2 makes me feel—joyful, hopeful, comforted, reassured, blissful, part of something bigger than myself. Ecstatic. Even transcendent. Even loved.
But the hell with that. Because let’s be real: making a video about U2 when you don’t actually know anything about U2 is kinda like making a video about MRNA vaccines when you don’t know anything about MRNA. Maybe not as dangerous, but every bit as predictable, unoriginal and pointless.
Note to Josh Weller: Liam Neeson is Irish, and he and Bono are friends. Perhaps the answers you seek are up your own butt not so mysterious after all.
Kelly and I would like to wish our readers a lovely holiday season, and thanks so much for supporting our work(?) on Achtoonbaby in 2021! Please get vaxxed, stay safe, and have a happy new year.